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“This is Peace to Me”, by Colin Sept 27. A Poem.

To me, peace is anti war. To me, peace is non violence. To me, peace is lack of worry. To me, peace is M.L.K.

So let’s take action, let’s make peace.  Lets throw our differences aside. Let’s make peace, let’s make the world a better place. Let’s make peace.

To me, peace is tolerance. To me, peace is freedom. To me, peace is trust.  To me, peace is silence.

So let’s take action, let’s make peace. Let’s have trust with ourselves and other people.  Let’s make peace.

Let’s make freedom for everyone, White’s, Black’s, Mexican’s, Muslims, Mormons and more. 

Let’s make peace.    

By Colin Watts/2008

IT’S OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, the tube is out. I was nervos at first, because I wanted a Doctor’s OK at that moment. But we  did it anyway. Because I drank  two Pediasures back to back. I’ve got to go I’m going to give the computer to mama now.

Thanks everybody!

Chloe

P.S.  From Dana:  This follows the Dr/Dieticians plan of going 2-3 days with Chloe drinking one can of Pediasure ea evening. She overdid it today by drinking 2 to show she is ready, plus eating a full meal.  She wanted to pull the tube out herself and so she did, but very slowly while Colin and I rallied her on.  She took Ivey on a walk just before contemplating WHEN to take it out.  She returned within 5 minutes to say she was ready, NOW.  I’m glad she was able to choose the moment this time.    She said her cheek hurt and her throat felt weird afterward.  Her cheek may be sore from the continued tape attached to it all these weeks. 

Today Colin/Chloe called and sang Happy Birthday to their Dad today.  He enjoyed the surprise.

Chloe did read her guestbook and also wanted to reply to Grandma but got to tired.  Love to you Grandma!

Thanks Ron, for giving Colin solid information for his “intolerance” homework last night.  It worked he said.

Kid’s (not just mine) seem to have the market cornered on joy so much more than not.  Why is that?  Where is ours hiding so much of the time?   Or is it just napping, like Rip Van Winkle until something big jolts us awake? 

It’s good to be awake.

Mamaloon

Tuesday September 23, 2008

Yesterday was a momentous day, start to finish.  I felt some kind of special urgency to move her Dr. appt up a week based on a conversation Chloe and I had. Plus it was my mother’s birthday and she was sending me some ‘nudge’s from the spiritworld.  Chloe expressed her feelings about the tube last weekend. The thing has worn out its welcome.  It’s done a beautiful job because without it…ah…nevermind, not going there…….

Anyway, the Dr had an opening in her schedule and we took it.  Chloe weighed in at 61 lbs!!!  Her goalweight was 58.  You Go Girl!  We slapped hands as if we scored the winning point in a soccer match!

Later her Dr phoned us at home to tell us she had spoken to the dietician and they had a plan.  If Chloe can drink a can of Pediasure ea day along with her other meals/snacks this would make up for what the night nutrition via the feeding pump is giving her.  Accomplishing this goal for 2-3 days will give us the high sign to pull the tube.   Her Dr. confirmed the tube is old and needs to come out regardless.  We assured her, there isnt going to be a need for another one although she did bring that possibility up.  The look on Chloe’s face was enough to tell us , “IM SO DONE!”.

It looks as if Chloe has the ball in her court.  We’ll let you all know the news in the next couple of days. Based on today, she emptied a can before 3:30 pm, ate dinner and a snack. 

Tonight we celebrated at Baskin Robbins. Thanks Chester.  Not sure how you reached the mailbox but then again, we know you have special talents. 

Life Is Grand. 

The Mama

Saturday, Sept 20th:

When I pulled in the driveway this afternoon, Dana was pulling blackberry bushes from every corner of the yard.  There are enough piles to last quite a few yard debris days.  So if anyone wants some feel free to drop by with a bin or truck.  I’m not sure where it will all end up.  If we get some rain, and the fire chief stays home, some may just end up in the stump fire pit. 

Chloe and Ivey seemed to be supervising Dana’s work.  Ms. C. had Ms. I. on a tight leash but still managed to get herself dragged into the brambles by the little rhino.  After awhile it was time to suggest that maybe both should go explore the back yard.  That worked well until Ms. Grace took an uncomfortable trip.  She has padding now though, so it wasn’t as bad as it would have been a few months ago! 

Colin is getting more and more freedom and seems to love it.  He sometimes stumbles a bit as well but I see him trying to be responsible in his jaunts, so that they won’t be stifled anytime soon.  He even was able to go to the Hollywood Video on his bike for a new game.  That’s a pretty free trip for him and before he left he told us of the precautions he would be taking.  That was cool. 

Chloe still has that tube swinging around but I think its time is short.  With the body definition she has developed I can’t see what good the tube is doing.  We will be speaking seriously to the doctors about its value at her upcoming visit.  It just seems like nobody wants to be the one to say ‘yank it.’   

I was glad to see Chloe’s cold has passed.  This tells me her immune system is working very well.  In the past she would have been run down for quite some time.   

Her energy is pretty funny.  Dana showed her a cancelled credit card.  Chloe grabbed it and, as she ran away, she was yelling Cheetah!!!!!  Explanation:  That was in the Dave Ramsey class she last sat in on with us.  These kids are going to have better financial knowledge than anyone in their class.  It’s really fun to see they have their envelope system already started; One for Saving, one for Spending, and one for giving.   Colin’s giving envelope is titled, “Giving for the Better.”   

I think things are on the right track. 

Be Well. 

Ron

Friday 19th September “dedicated to Ivey”, the quiet healer.

Although I’m still inspired to live in the “now” moments, embracing an “openness” about the past seems to be a key to healing.

Lately, the three of us(Colin, Chloe and I) have found our dinner hour lasting and lasting.  Last evening, the kids’ took Ivey on a walk together.   Seemed like a good idea at the time.  Apparently, Colin let go of the leash and let Ivey run down the hill which made Chloe fear for Ivey’s life.(The street)  In his defense, freedom is a huge value of his…he insists Ivey has the long leash when he walks her. Chloe insists on the short leash with the gentle leader.  When they arrived home for dinner, Chloe ranted, vented and cried.   This seemed to bring up all sorts of things for her surrounding death. The hospital time, Grandpa Nick’s recent death which she mentioned twice.  She put all her ‘heat’ towards Colin.  He was wondering what all  the fuss was about.  I was listening to some of the past creep into our dinner conversation and finding myself in the middle. 

No one is right.  No one is wrong.  All perspectives were invited.  I do tend to give Chloe more grace as her experience was only VIEWED by the rest of us.  Colin took it, as always, in stride.

I explained to Colin what was happening.  He thought it was so out of porportion to reality.  It was clear they both needed something.  He needed to “get it”.  She needed to “get it out”.  

Physically, I’m thinking she’s looking outstanding!  Her next Dr appt is the 29th.  She and I are both thinking 60 lbs!(no we havent weighed her).  Eating?  ….well lets just say nothing is safe in the kitchen anymore. Yippee!

Today I felt the need to take Ivey on a drive to a ‘new’ neighborhood for a dogwalk.  She was out of her mind I tell you with wonder.   We found a park and she didnt know which way to go so she ended up running…ok dashing is more like it, diagonally!  What a sight!  AFterwards I took her for DQ.  She hasnt been to the drive up window in awhile but remembered it just the same.  They give free doggie cones.  All in all Ivey has had the week from bliss.  She doesnt know what all the fuss over her is about but doesnt much care , nor judge it.

Doglove.  It rocks!  Thanks Ivey for your dedication to healing.  I find you in bed with Chloe every morning and then some nights when you know Colin needs you more, I find you there.   All is well in our world with you in it.

Dana

Tuesday night. Sept.16 08 from dana

I’m in big trouble.   Its easy for me to admit my faults because I do identify with the side of ourselves that really mess up.  It’s where we learn the most, wouldnt you agree?

Chloe overheard me tell some fundrasing people tonight that I had a sick daughter.  Ok, I acutally said , “A very sick daughter”.  My bad, my bad.  I was still thinking about the weekend as she was VERY sick.  Absolutely, I was Not thinking about the tumor.  But she was all over my case like flies in fresh pancake batter. The next several minutes were spent explaining myself to my nine year old.  She isnt an easy sell.

Interestingly, there are several organizations I do support. The one who knocked at my door tonight isnt on the list.  Doesn’t mean its not important, its just on someone else’s list, not mine.  In hindsight my quick tongue got me out of mischief and INTO the fire(with Chloe…ack!!)

The odd thing my usual mantra is “This year she is well, its LAST year she was sick”. 

The update is she is looking wonderful, playing joyful artful watergames in the front yard this evening(she soaked herself), giggled like crazy, ate dinner and a good amount, fought with Colin a small amount and shared with me her homework, a letter with guts and feeling and hope about how her little dragon, Firebolt, makes a difference in her life.

She read her website guestbook tonight. Another Chloe Watts sent her encouragement.  Someone who had cancer as a five year old.  Someone who told OUR Chloe “expect a miricle”.  One just smiles as the village reach’s out.

Also heard from our former choir teacher who knows how to bring community together.  We read it all.  We thank you.

It matters.  It all matters.  Chloes life .  All life. 

Love Love Love,

dana

Saturday 13th, Sept.

Yes.  Better today she is.  No fever, just a stuffy nose which is still difficult if you have a tube….old news here, yes?

What surprises me most, being the mother is this.  She told her Dr. last night.  “I dont feel hungry”.  She doesnt have the sensation of hunger, EVER.  She eats because “I’m supposed to.” “I cant remember the last time I felt hungry” said Chloe.

I find this sad.  Let us all send her the “I’m feeeling hungry” thoughts,bug or what-have-you.

Good news?  She made the scales say “I weigh 57 lbs ” yesterday.  This is one pound below goal weight.  This is outstanding.

And yet, I’m the mother, I would like her to feel ‘hungry’.  For some reason this bothers me.  What does food represent to each of us?  Pleasure?  Social interaction? Family time”  For Chloe, its still remains a mystery.  To not feel hunger?  Lets all think cheeseburgers, fries…ice cream…pizza????

still a long road to go.  And yet, more than we understood yesterday.  Hope is alive.

May you all be in your own hope this night.

wattscottage

Friday Sept 12 “a glitch”

We’ve all been smiling lately at the progress Chloe has made.  I’m writing this morning to ask for more good thoughts, prayers if your a prayin person, energetic healing or any other form of wellness.  Its all good.  

She woke up with symptoms of a cold.  Sore throat and stuffy nose.  Keep in mind a stuffy plugged nose must be extra tough with a tube down it.  I kept her home from school.  Her symptoms became worse even after some cold meds to ease the stuffiness and the nausea set in.  Now she is running a fever and throwing up.  Luckily the nose tube stayed in place.  She is VERY VERY VERY WORRIED if it comes out, they will put it right back in.  I told her, “Not unless its an emergency”.  

So now this beautiful day has propelled us to a place that seems familiar, but not in a good way.  I know this stirs up memories of her past illness with the tumor.  Its just a cold, right?  Just a cold.

Stay tuned,

dana

Wednesday the 10th of September, from dana

Its been a wild week.  Chloe’s Dr. and I were able to connect via phone after some ‘tagging you’re it” play to ultimately reduce the amount of nutrition feeds from about 2 1/2 cans per night to less than 2.  Also Chloe began taking a daily dose of an appetite stimulant(did I actually see her eat TWO slices of pizza tonight back to back?).   She and I just changed her ‘face tapes’ which is a source of discomfort.  Wow, that skin is pink under the tape.  We attached a smaller piece this evening. 

Last night two “wish granters’ arrived from Make -a-Wish foundation to discuss with Chloe, her wish.  One wish granter is Miss Oregon and the other , it was her first expereience which is just as exciting!  What a great team they make!  Indeed Chloe’s wish is to attend the film premiere of the next Harry Potter movie and to meet …..Harry! (I keep telling her J.K. Rowling is the real Harry which Chloe loves) 

She also had to decide upon an alternate wish.  Its a Jack Russell Terrier puppy.  I must admit she needed to sway me some.  My next dog dream was to find a Collie puppy…..so okay….another “jack” for chloes continued healing seems more than fair in the scheme of that which was NOT fair last summer as well as the last four years of illness. 

Tonight was ‘Pizza night” at school, an outdoor evening for parents/kids/teachers to re-connect.  We saw so many who have kept her so close in thoughts all these months.  I particularly enjoyed seeing one of her anesthisiologists whose daughter is Chloes friend.  He was amazed to see her eating so much pizza!  Everyone wonders about the tube and WHEN about the tube.  Being close (to having the tube out) is a good feeling.  Her doctors dont want her to lose weight again.  No more sliding EXCEPT for slides!

It was fun for Colin to see many of his former teachers tonight as well.  He’s excited about this school year and being in a singing group called “Panache’ is making a difference.  He had to be at school an hour early for practice this morning.  Now I’m learning he’ll be practicing at MT. Hood November 1 and 2.  Wow, that puts my school experiences to shame!  Woo-hoo I say!  Yay for all those who make kids lives so much better than we had it.  Especially those who teach WHILE putting the kids inside an adventure

Guess thats why Harry Potter isnt just a wish, or a dream…..its an adventure.  May it come to be.

Chloe says ‘ok yeah”(go to print mama)

dana

Friday, September 5, 2008 “Lacachongus!” (a new language)

Hello again.

  For the past couple nights, I’ve been thinking of my whole story, and thought to myself, “Wow, I survived an uncomen Brain Tumor. I started out short and skinny. Now I’m almost perfect! I’m finally back in my own bed. I just need this stupid tube out of my life and I’ll be happy.”

  A little while ago I started reading a series called THE FARY REALM, now I on the third book.

“Harry Potter”(Chloe)